Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
