Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
