i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
