I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Someone signed my nipple.
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