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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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