dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
