the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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