im six kinds of drunk right now
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
