She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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