He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
