If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
