Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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