he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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