remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
