if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
