he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
