Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
