oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
