By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
