Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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