I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
