i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
