Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
