You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize