Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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