she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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