onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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