went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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