i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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