She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
