i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
