I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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