My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
