She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
