He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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You are the jesus of drinking
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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