so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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