he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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