you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
