Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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