my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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