I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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