Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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