Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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