Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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