We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
