The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
