Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
