I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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