Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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