i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
