Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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