she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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