Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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