I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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