Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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