her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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