so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
