i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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