handjob tips. give me some.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
