dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
