I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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