Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
