I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
