I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
